“You Suck”

The week before I had Emerson, I was already three days overdue, and decided to head to West Coast Kids (a fancy shmancy baby/kid product store) to kill time and to buy Emerson hair bows she would never wear for longer than forty seconds (v important baby item to a first time mom who has no idea what a baby actually needs…as evidenced below).

While I was standing in the checkout line, I was perusing all of the add-on items displayed by the till because I am a sucker for well placed products and last minute purchases, and I saw it. A ‘Nose Frida’. I was instantly confused by the name and the picture on the box so I picked it up to figure out what it was.

‘The Snot Sucker’, I read to myself.

“Oh. FUCK. No. That’s sick!” was my immediate reaction. I distinctly remember taking a photo right then and there and texting my friends (who also had no children) something along the lines of:

“Check this out. How disgusting is this?! Im never using one. That’s so nasty. Those crazy Swedes and their weird ‘innovative’ products. Just wipe the baby’s damn nose!”

Ha.

Guess what I’ve spent the past two plus weeks using multiple times every day?! A nasty-ass nasal aspirator. Granted, I’ve never used a ‘Nose Frida’, but only because you can’t buy them at my local drug store and I’m too lazy to drive downtown for name brand. But oh. Hell. Yes. I’ve used the absolute crap out of a nasal aspirator.

What one doesn’t know before they have a baby, is that babies primarily breathe through their nose and wont breathe through their mouths unless they are crying. So guess what babies do when their nose is plugged? They cry. No. Scream. Scream and scream and scream.

It took me exactly one awful and sleepless night of trying to “just wipe the baby’s damn nose” when Emerson was two months old before I promptly raced out and bought the nasty little, snot-sucking, sleep saving device. And guess what? It works. It works so damn well. I hate every minute of using it (as do the kids), but it really does let them breathe. And sleep.

I will do anything for sleep. I’ve done other nasty things too to try and get both myself and my baby back to bed like sticking a q-tip up the baby’s butt but I digress.

Point is, today I am doing a little booty shake happy dance because my frenemy the nasal aspirator is back in the damn medicine cabinet.

And no, the snot doesn’t go in your mouth. There’s a filter.

Never say never!

We hate you so much

We needed you, but no more

Also, you’re gross. Bye

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